Ketchup goes on hamburgers. Mustard goes on hot dogs. Mayonnaise goes between bread and the lettuce - not on the meat side.

Never eat anything that somebody says is good for you; It probably tastes bad.

I can't believe that all the people who believe in natural foods use artificial chemical sweeteners.

Brussel sprouts are not Food. You can eat anything (except Brussel Sprouts) if there’s enough cheese sauce.

Most fast food isn't! It isn’t fast, and probably isn’t really food.

I never say anything bad about meat loaf - in fact. I never even think about meat loaf.

The best diet in the world is 2 beers and a bagel, 3 times a day.